I sit here, listening to trance and drinking vodka and OJ, I attempt to forget the things that I have missed in my life and instead attempt to focus on the things that I have learned. Oddly enough I'm much more of an optimist than I once was, I suppose that learning you can be depressed as hell on day and then sleep it off, and be fine the next can do that to you.
As the famed film goes, 'There's always tomorrow' or something like that. I'm terrible with references. Regardless...
I find that I lack clear purpose; I suppose this is an ailment common to modern man. Maybe it's foolhardy to put all your hopes in one thing; being a masterful musician only to be one upped, an amazing writer only to be shot down. I've put all my hopes into one thing before, had it crushed, and paid a dear price for the folly. Shattered dreams are not easily healed, or rebuilt.
As I was saying, purpose. Without it we are lost. What is my purpose? I feel as if it's in some sort of strife, a chaos of frantic beat where there is not time for the slow, pondering thought of idle time but only for life or death choices made in fractions of seconds.
Yet where could one find that? I must wait, I tell myself. I want to do things that will inspire free men to greater heights, to inspire humanity to freedom and liberty...
What grand plans for such a small soul. Despite my wishes I do not think that is my destiny; to be any sort of saviour or hero. Indeed, I do not even wish for such things; I wish only for contentment, the peace of mind that comes from knowing one has served their purpose in this life, whatever it may be.
Perhaps the gods know my way, and I must strive to be patient in their service, and pray that what must be, shall be.
