It's a lot different when you put it in terms of two individuals, instead of a faceless conglomerate and society. The next time someone says government rule is for our own good, tie them to a chair and hold them at gunpoint. Tell them if you don't you can't be sure they won't hurt themselves or someone else.
I burst into your house with an extremely overpriced tactical shotgun, laden with unneccesary gadgets costing thousands of dollars. You rise from your chair, startled, and make a dash to the doorway as I let off a warning shot. A pellet enters your skull and permanantly blinds you. Oops.
As I tie you to your chair, you remember how you loaned me all that money last year to buy that shotgun, and how I never paid you back. Taking your wallet, I pull out the cards and cash and stuff them into my own pocket, to pay for the cost of the shotgun shell and rope.
"What the hell are you doing?" you scream at me "This is my private property!"
I shake my head apathetically, forgetting that you're blind now. Sorry about that.
"Aerial reconnaissance and heat imaging shows you're making drugs and nuclear weapons in your kitchen. For the safety of yourself and others, your house now belongs to me."
You remember how you loaned me fifty grand five years ago for that drone, and how I never paid that back either.
"Thats my oven and microwave, dumbass."
"I say drugs and nukes." I reply smugly.
You say nothing. I take this as an admittion of your obvious guilt.
After I've finished tying you up, I enter your kitchen and make myself a sandwhich. As an afterthought, I grab a bandaid and plant it over the hole the shotgun pellet left in your head. That's my job too, afterall.
After a while, you ask me why I've come.
"To protect you from yourself, of course." I reply with a full mouth. Particles of bread spray from my mouth and land on your cheek.
"What the hell do you mean? I was doing just fine. Then you burst in the door and now I'm blind and tied to a chair."
"Oh sure," I reply, "You WERE doing fine. But sooner or later you were going to hurt yourself, or someone else."
"Thats rediculous. I'm a grown man. I can take care of myself without your help!"
"It's for your own safety." I admonish, my voice chock full of sincerity. You start to struggle in your ropes, and I call my bodyguard to watch over you while I head to the drug store. You remember how you loaned me the money to afford the bodyguard, and buy majority stock in the drug store. I never paid you back.
Two days later I return with sedatives and give them to you. You lay back complacently as I turn the TV on to a news program warning of the danger that your neighbour could be cooking meth in their kitchen, followed by a picture of you. Drool slowly drips from the corner of your mouth, and I gently wipe it away with the hem of your shirt. Thats my job, afterall.
Deciding that you need a higher standard of care, I take a loan out on your house (You would remember how you loaned me money to save that bank from imminent failure, but your lights are out) and buy you a neck pillow. I take the rest of the money and use it to buy myself another bodyguard.
As we grow old together, I take more and more loans out on your property to pay for your care. After a few decades I've got a dozen more bodyguards, and have upgraded from sandwhiches to filet mignon. You've gotten stronger rope and five more neck pillows.
Eventually you die, and I sell your worthless property to some poor sap. Taking my bodyguards, I head over to your daughters house. Aerial reconnaissance recently showed she was cooking drugs and making nukes in her kitchen.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Pew pew
A thousand lives as tithe he claimed,
A battle won by lust.
No mercy given to those that day
Whom Shadow they called foe.
For darkness set, will darkness breed
Into the heart's fragile keep.
And when that kingdom's twilight sets;
A Shadow shall they behold.
A battle won by lust.
No mercy given to those that day
Whom Shadow they called foe.
For darkness set, will darkness breed
Into the heart's fragile keep.
And when that kingdom's twilight sets;
A Shadow shall they behold.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
An analysis of the destructive personality cycle.
(Psuedo-pyschology ;) )
"Why do you want to hurt people?"
I knew, but I didn't want to acknowledge I knew. I didn't want to face the truth of the matter; but she was going to drag it out of me either way. And what did it matter if she knew? Still... I wanted to see if she could drag it out. If I didn't have to admit the truth, then I wouldn't.
"They deserve to be hurt."
"And why do you think they deserve it?" She asked, leaning forward. Feigning interest.
"Because people are fools. If they let themselves be hurt, they deserve it. If someone is stupid enough to send their account information to some prince in Nigeria based off an email, they deserve to lose their money. Why is it any different with what I do?"
She paused for a minute, eying me. I shifted and leaned back, chewing on the hem of my sleeve.
"You deliberately tried to break Steve's heart. Don't you feel guilty for that?"
I flicked my eyes to her and replied,
"You mean, don't I feel guilty about the fact that Steve killed himself because of what I did?"
She didn't answer that one. We sat in silence for a moment before I continued.
"No." I lied. "If he was that weak then he deserved whatever he did to himself. If he was enough of a fucking moron to think I was a good person, he deserved to be hurt."
The shrink looked down at her notes for a minute, then finally back to me.
"I don't think this is about what they deserve."
"No?" I asked, feigning indifference. Here it comes.
"It's about what you think you deserve."
"Bullshit. I deserve what I get just like everyone else."
She shook her head.
"Do you think your parents deserved to die before you could even know them?"
"Well they fuckin' must have, because thats what happened."
"And you?" she asked, "Did you deserve to be left alone? Not just then, but your adoption parents..."
I clenched my jaw and stared at her in anger.
"This isn't about what other people deserve. It's about what you feel you deserve, because life has taught you that you deserve nothing but pain. And that's not true. You hurt other people because it makes you feel like the demon that you think you are. It makes you hurt when you hurt others. I know that being responsible for Steve's suicide makes you hurt."
"That's bullshit." I replied, standing and heading for the door. She'd pushed it too far.
"You don't have to feel like this. You can be a good person. You deserve to be a good person."
"Bullshit." I walked out the door. I knew she was right. I hurt other people because I'd been hurt. I felt like I deserved to be hurt. And fucking with other people made me feel like I really did deserve it. If I didn't before, I did now. Steve proved that much.
"Why do you want to hurt people?"
I knew, but I didn't want to acknowledge I knew. I didn't want to face the truth of the matter; but she was going to drag it out of me either way. And what did it matter if she knew? Still... I wanted to see if she could drag it out. If I didn't have to admit the truth, then I wouldn't.
"They deserve to be hurt."
"And why do you think they deserve it?" She asked, leaning forward. Feigning interest.
"Because people are fools. If they let themselves be hurt, they deserve it. If someone is stupid enough to send their account information to some prince in Nigeria based off an email, they deserve to lose their money. Why is it any different with what I do?"
She paused for a minute, eying me. I shifted and leaned back, chewing on the hem of my sleeve.
"You deliberately tried to break Steve's heart. Don't you feel guilty for that?"
I flicked my eyes to her and replied,
"You mean, don't I feel guilty about the fact that Steve killed himself because of what I did?"
She didn't answer that one. We sat in silence for a moment before I continued.
"No." I lied. "If he was that weak then he deserved whatever he did to himself. If he was enough of a fucking moron to think I was a good person, he deserved to be hurt."
The shrink looked down at her notes for a minute, then finally back to me.
"I don't think this is about what they deserve."
"No?" I asked, feigning indifference. Here it comes.
"It's about what you think you deserve."
"Bullshit. I deserve what I get just like everyone else."
She shook her head.
"Do you think your parents deserved to die before you could even know them?"
"Well they fuckin' must have, because thats what happened."
"And you?" she asked, "Did you deserve to be left alone? Not just then, but your adoption parents..."
I clenched my jaw and stared at her in anger.
"This isn't about what other people deserve. It's about what you feel you deserve, because life has taught you that you deserve nothing but pain. And that's not true. You hurt other people because it makes you feel like the demon that you think you are. It makes you hurt when you hurt others. I know that being responsible for Steve's suicide makes you hurt."
"That's bullshit." I replied, standing and heading for the door. She'd pushed it too far.
"You don't have to feel like this. You can be a good person. You deserve to be a good person."
"Bullshit." I walked out the door. I knew she was right. I hurt other people because I'd been hurt. I felt like I deserved to be hurt. And fucking with other people made me feel like I really did deserve it. If I didn't before, I did now. Steve proved that much.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Biphasic Day Three, Four
Sep 25
2:12 AM-
Eyes are pretty sore, and I feel mildly tired. I think I'll take a break from the computer for a minute and make something to eat, since that seems to restore a bit of energy.
2:35 AM-
Made a PB&J and drank some milk. The worst thing is the eye soreness, it just makes you wanna close your eyes, which makes you more tired. Hmm. Not very eloquent today am I? Oh well. Another 2.5 hours and I can get some rest.
5:00 - 9:30 AM-
Decided to go for 4.5 hours on this one and see how I felt. It sure was a great sleep, maybe too great. It was realllly hard to get up out of bed. I wanted to just lay there and enjoy the feeling of the awesome sleep for a few more hours.
Well, as you can see I did manage to get up. It does seem to take longer to really wake up the longer I've slept, and also based on the quality of sleep. There seem to be two types of good sleep. The first is like today, where I feel rested but superbly comfortable. As nice as the feeling is, makes it bloody hard to get out of that bed.
The second is where the alarm goes off and I am wide awake and ready to go. This has the advantage where it takes less time to wake up, but lacks that extremely pleasent feeling of the first type.
Anyway, what this leads me to believe is that 4.5 hours for the morning sleep are best kept to a minimum, to recharge my batteries after a particularly long night, or if I feel like indulging myself. Three hours seems fine for normal circumstances!
It's odd to consider that I think of 4.5 hours as quite a lot now.. before that would have been almost nothing to me.
12:00 PM-
Went out to lunch with Josh, ate quite a bit and had two beers, left feeling rather drowsy.
4:08 PM-
The usual sleepiness that seems to occur around this time. Little else to report really.
9:34 PM-
8-9:30 nap went well. Need to head down to the corner store and grab some cigarettes before they close.
--------------------------------------------------------
Sep 26 Day Four
5:00 - 8:00 AM sleep-
Woke up the the sound of my computer waking up from sleep (Just the sounds of the fans comning on, in other words) before my alarm went off about 20 seconds later.
Also experienced that feeling of 'Oh shit, did I oversleep!?!' that others have described. It's still a bit unbelievable.
If I need it, I think I will allow myself a 30 min nap or two later today, since I went from 6 hours to 4.5
7:27 PM-
Worked on the house throughout most of the day with Frank, afterwards went out for few beers with him an Dave. Had some awesome beers (Devoloping a fondness for dark beers'; they often taste like coffee) However, currently preparing for my evening bath and sleep.
8:00 - 11:00 PM-
Ended up sleeping an extra 1.5 hours, for a total of three. Mostly just to sleep off inebriation. My updates have sucked today and yesterday, mostly because I've been doing things that are just one thing for a large block of hours (Watching movies, working on the house etc)
Perhaps tomorrow will offer a different experience, as it will be my first day of work while on this schedule.
Day Four (Sep 26) Recap-
Pretty simple day. Work on house > Drink > Sleep.
Although this does allow me to experience the effects of drinking on my sleep. Which is to say, you need more of it after drinking. Not many surprises there.
2:12 AM-
Eyes are pretty sore, and I feel mildly tired. I think I'll take a break from the computer for a minute and make something to eat, since that seems to restore a bit of energy.
2:35 AM-
Made a PB&J and drank some milk. The worst thing is the eye soreness, it just makes you wanna close your eyes, which makes you more tired. Hmm. Not very eloquent today am I? Oh well. Another 2.5 hours and I can get some rest.
5:00 - 9:30 AM-
Decided to go for 4.5 hours on this one and see how I felt. It sure was a great sleep, maybe too great. It was realllly hard to get up out of bed. I wanted to just lay there and enjoy the feeling of the awesome sleep for a few more hours.
Well, as you can see I did manage to get up. It does seem to take longer to really wake up the longer I've slept, and also based on the quality of sleep. There seem to be two types of good sleep. The first is like today, where I feel rested but superbly comfortable. As nice as the feeling is, makes it bloody hard to get out of that bed.
The second is where the alarm goes off and I am wide awake and ready to go. This has the advantage where it takes less time to wake up, but lacks that extremely pleasent feeling of the first type.
Anyway, what this leads me to believe is that 4.5 hours for the morning sleep are best kept to a minimum, to recharge my batteries after a particularly long night, or if I feel like indulging myself. Three hours seems fine for normal circumstances!
It's odd to consider that I think of 4.5 hours as quite a lot now.. before that would have been almost nothing to me.
12:00 PM-
Went out to lunch with Josh, ate quite a bit and had two beers, left feeling rather drowsy.
4:08 PM-
The usual sleepiness that seems to occur around this time. Little else to report really.
9:34 PM-
8-9:30 nap went well. Need to head down to the corner store and grab some cigarettes before they close.
--------------------------------------------------------
Sep 26 Day Four
5:00 - 8:00 AM sleep-
Woke up the the sound of my computer waking up from sleep (Just the sounds of the fans comning on, in other words) before my alarm went off about 20 seconds later.
Also experienced that feeling of 'Oh shit, did I oversleep!?!' that others have described. It's still a bit unbelievable.
If I need it, I think I will allow myself a 30 min nap or two later today, since I went from 6 hours to 4.5
7:27 PM-
Worked on the house throughout most of the day with Frank, afterwards went out for few beers with him an Dave. Had some awesome beers (Devoloping a fondness for dark beers'; they often taste like coffee) However, currently preparing for my evening bath and sleep.
8:00 - 11:00 PM-
Ended up sleeping an extra 1.5 hours, for a total of three. Mostly just to sleep off inebriation. My updates have sucked today and yesterday, mostly because I've been doing things that are just one thing for a large block of hours (Watching movies, working on the house etc)
Perhaps tomorrow will offer a different experience, as it will be my first day of work while on this schedule.
Day Four (Sep 26) Recap-
Pretty simple day. Work on house > Drink > Sleep.
Although this does allow me to experience the effects of drinking on my sleep. Which is to say, you need more of it after drinking. Not many surprises there.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Biphasic Day Two
Sep 24
2:42 AM-
Did a set of 30 second stretches, then went for a two hour walk to the local supermarket while listening to trance. Picked up some sparkling water and sour gummy worms. Walk went well, but as soon as I got home I started to feel a bit of nausea. Still feeling it now, not entirely sure why. Had about 5 gummy worms and a can of soda water on the way home, so I don't think thats it.
Eyes are a bit sore again, nothing terrible. Going to make some ginger/cinnamon tea. Um... not much else to say at the moment.
3:32 AM-
Nausea passed. Sore from the long walk, so thats adding to my tiredness, but it looks like I'll be able to sleep from 5-8 which is good. What's odd is I havn't been playing any games since I started this experiment, rather been watching movies, anime, and reading.
5:00-8:00 Sleep-
5-8 nap was horrible. I slept for about 20 minutes, so when the alarms went off I got up, turned them off, stood there for a minute and decided the 6 hours between sleeps is too short. Set the alarm for another 1.5 hours (9:30) and went back to bed.
That helped quite a bit. I could tell the first 'sleep' had almost no restorative effect this time, but 1.5 hours extra gets me back up at about normal levels.
The real question is how to adjust my schedule with this new knowledge. It seems like moving my 3 hour sleep from 8-11 PM back three hours to 5-8 PM would be the simplest answer. Nine hours awake, three hours sleep, nine hours awake, three hours sleep. There's one major problem though: 5-8 PM is right in dinner hours! Hmm.
Well then.
3:30-8:00 AM Sleep
5:00-6:30 PM Nap
This was the more common arrangement that I found people used: a 4 to 4.5 hour 'core sleep' and then a 1.5 hour nap. After a while they begin to reduce the core sleep time, while keeping the nap time at 1.5 hours.
I'll give it a try. 4.5 hours is still a large chunk of time to be asleep, but the idea was to slowly reduce my overall sleeping time eventually anyway, so over time I can whittle this down.
11:07 AM-
I still find myself with urges to crawl back into bed and curl under the blankets. Not so much for the sleep as just the comfortable warmth of it. Perhaps this is why one person recommended wearing sweaters etc, even if it made you uncomfortably warm.
I think the biggest thing is that sleeping is an excellent way to pass empty time. So I have to find other ways to fill my time. On the plus side, been watching Hetalia and it's hilarious. Well, sometimes. But always entertaining at least.
Still! It's enough to make me want to get back into WoW. Or EVE. I really can't wait til Fable 3 comes out though... -Sigh.- Well, EVE would be preferable to WoW.
Oh EVE, how you take up my time with meaningless micromanagement, and how I do love it. And my pretty Abaddon.
1:42 PM-
Feeling awake and alert. Made some nomz ramen with chicken, onion, ginger, and egg. But what I wanted to say is that I'm debating changing my original schedule so early... Maybe cutting back my sleep at 8 PM to just 1.5 hours instead of 3 would work? And then just keep my 5 AM sleep at 3 hours. That would mean I only get 4.5 hours of sleep a day, instead of my originally intended 6... but if it works, it works! So I wouldn't complain.
So what I am considering now:
8:00 - 7:45 PM
5:00 - 8:00 AM
I think I will give this a try, and see how my 5-8 AM sleep goes. If it's better, I'll keep this new schedule. If it's worse, I'll do the schedule I mentioned in my first update of the day.
Also, beginning to realize that even if I feel pretty terrible in the morning, as the day progresses I begin to feel better and better. I may have been premature in my decision to change my schedule so drastically this morning.
2:03 PM-
Quick comment: I've been feeling a lot more positive and energetic today and yesterday than I usually am. We'll see if it lasts.
7:19 PM-
I plan on sleeping at 8 for 1.5 hours. Will see how that effects my other sleep. Aside from that, I am well, albiet still suffering a bit of boredom.
8:00 - 9:30 PM-
Hot damn. I was up like a rocket when that alarm went off! Fantastic nap. Took a bit longer to fall asleep than I would have liked but not going to complain. Now the real question: will I be able to sleep come 5 AM?
11:19 PM-
Cleaned the bathroom a little, washed my face and brushed my teeth. Then I swept downstairs. I think if I am going to clean more in the future it should be during the day, as vacuuming and such is not really an option when people are sleeping.
Not entirely sure what to do at the moment, but I am thinking that night time should be reserved for games, exercise etc, while daytime for more important tasks.
September 24 Recap-
This morning was a bit of a hiccup, however tonights nap was great. feeling a bit drowsy (It's a few minutes past midnight now). Overall I think the last two days have gone surprisingly well. Not much else to say for today, so day three begins!
Edit to add: 9.5 hours sleep in the last 48.
2:42 AM-
Did a set of 30 second stretches, then went for a two hour walk to the local supermarket while listening to trance. Picked up some sparkling water and sour gummy worms. Walk went well, but as soon as I got home I started to feel a bit of nausea. Still feeling it now, not entirely sure why. Had about 5 gummy worms and a can of soda water on the way home, so I don't think thats it.
Eyes are a bit sore again, nothing terrible. Going to make some ginger/cinnamon tea. Um... not much else to say at the moment.
3:32 AM-
Nausea passed. Sore from the long walk, so thats adding to my tiredness, but it looks like I'll be able to sleep from 5-8 which is good. What's odd is I havn't been playing any games since I started this experiment, rather been watching movies, anime, and reading.
5:00-8:00 Sleep-
5-8 nap was horrible. I slept for about 20 minutes, so when the alarms went off I got up, turned them off, stood there for a minute and decided the 6 hours between sleeps is too short. Set the alarm for another 1.5 hours (9:30) and went back to bed.
That helped quite a bit. I could tell the first 'sleep' had almost no restorative effect this time, but 1.5 hours extra gets me back up at about normal levels.
The real question is how to adjust my schedule with this new knowledge. It seems like moving my 3 hour sleep from 8-11 PM back three hours to 5-8 PM would be the simplest answer. Nine hours awake, three hours sleep, nine hours awake, three hours sleep. There's one major problem though: 5-8 PM is right in dinner hours! Hmm.
Well then.
3:30-8:00 AM Sleep
5:00-6:30 PM Nap
This was the more common arrangement that I found people used: a 4 to 4.5 hour 'core sleep' and then a 1.5 hour nap. After a while they begin to reduce the core sleep time, while keeping the nap time at 1.5 hours.
I'll give it a try. 4.5 hours is still a large chunk of time to be asleep, but the idea was to slowly reduce my overall sleeping time eventually anyway, so over time I can whittle this down.
11:07 AM-
I still find myself with urges to crawl back into bed and curl under the blankets. Not so much for the sleep as just the comfortable warmth of it. Perhaps this is why one person recommended wearing sweaters etc, even if it made you uncomfortably warm.
I think the biggest thing is that sleeping is an excellent way to pass empty time. So I have to find other ways to fill my time. On the plus side, been watching Hetalia and it's hilarious. Well, sometimes. But always entertaining at least.
Still! It's enough to make me want to get back into WoW. Or EVE. I really can't wait til Fable 3 comes out though... -Sigh.- Well, EVE would be preferable to WoW.
Oh EVE, how you take up my time with meaningless micromanagement, and how I do love it. And my pretty Abaddon.
1:42 PM-
Feeling awake and alert. Made some nomz ramen with chicken, onion, ginger, and egg. But what I wanted to say is that I'm debating changing my original schedule so early... Maybe cutting back my sleep at 8 PM to just 1.5 hours instead of 3 would work? And then just keep my 5 AM sleep at 3 hours. That would mean I only get 4.5 hours of sleep a day, instead of my originally intended 6... but if it works, it works! So I wouldn't complain.
So what I am considering now:
8:00 - 7:45 PM
5:00 - 8:00 AM
I think I will give this a try, and see how my 5-8 AM sleep goes. If it's better, I'll keep this new schedule. If it's worse, I'll do the schedule I mentioned in my first update of the day.
Also, beginning to realize that even if I feel pretty terrible in the morning, as the day progresses I begin to feel better and better. I may have been premature in my decision to change my schedule so drastically this morning.
2:03 PM-
Quick comment: I've been feeling a lot more positive and energetic today and yesterday than I usually am. We'll see if it lasts.
7:19 PM-
I plan on sleeping at 8 for 1.5 hours. Will see how that effects my other sleep. Aside from that, I am well, albiet still suffering a bit of boredom.
8:00 - 9:30 PM-
Hot damn. I was up like a rocket when that alarm went off! Fantastic nap. Took a bit longer to fall asleep than I would have liked but not going to complain. Now the real question: will I be able to sleep come 5 AM?
11:19 PM-
Cleaned the bathroom a little, washed my face and brushed my teeth. Then I swept downstairs. I think if I am going to clean more in the future it should be during the day, as vacuuming and such is not really an option when people are sleeping.
Not entirely sure what to do at the moment, but I am thinking that night time should be reserved for games, exercise etc, while daytime for more important tasks.
September 24 Recap-
This morning was a bit of a hiccup, however tonights nap was great. feeling a bit drowsy (It's a few minutes past midnight now). Overall I think the last two days have gone surprisingly well. Not much else to say for today, so day three begins!
Edit to add: 9.5 hours sleep in the last 48.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Biphasic Day One
The past three days I've been (Inadvertantly) sleeping 3-4 hours, waking up, dicking around for a few hours and then going back to sleep for 2 or 3 hours. The first day I felt like hell, but the second and third I felt about as rested as if I'd gotten a straight 6-8 hour sleep.
Well, I'd heard of biphasic sleeping before. Supposedly it was common in the time before the advent of clocks and electricity. So, considering that I've already had three days practice, albeit unintentionally, I've decided to adopt biphasic sleep officaially. Or at least attempt to.
This will be my first day. At the moment, the plan is to sleep from 20:00 to 23:00 (8 PM to 11 PM) followed by a period of six hours awake, and then three more hours of sleep (05:00 to 08:00). Since I normally wake up at 8 AM for work on Monday and Tuesday anyway, this seemed ideal.
Unfortunately my first 3 hour period was a failure (That would be Wednesday, Sep 22 from 20:00 to 23:00). I laid in bed for an hour, which was rather relaxing, but couldn't fall asleep.
5:00 to 8:00 AM Sleep-
The second sleep (Sep 23) went great. Just woke up from it, And for only three hours it feels great. I actually woke up at 7:46, but I wanted to make sure my alarms were suffecient (First night using Task Manager to both wake my computer from sleep and play music). Considering how I jumped up after they both went off it seems they will be ok. We'll see, but I think since I'll be experiencing much less sleep deprivation than somone trying an Uberman or Everyman schedule (Where you get all those crazy stories of people waking up, turning off three alarms across the room, and immediatly going back to bed without remembering a thing) two alarms whould be suffecient.
I also remember having a very detailed dream, something where I was playing a crazy video game, but writing this seems to have made me forget sadly. I can't deny that I really do want to crawl back into bed for 'just a bit longer' because it felt so great to sleep, but I know that is a mistake. Starting my 'morning routine' should help.
As a side note: I'm interested in seeing if this waking up 15 minutes shy of a full three hours becomes a trend or was just a fluke. I did go to bed about 10 minutes early to give myself time to fall asleep (Which was needed, but not too much. I still fell asleep way faster than I have the previous three nights.)
A promising first morning but we'll see if I can make it the full twelve hours till my next sleep. If I end up too exhausted, I'd rather just move that to an earlier time for now, but not unless it is absolutely neccesary. I'd like to keep this adaptation period as strict (And subsequently as short) as possible.
Waking up to 'Alexithymia' by Anberlin was pretty nice, as well.
12:41 PM-
Feeling quite well, been pretty energetic since my shower at about 9 AM. Finished up laundry I started last night (Our dryer sucks so it takes a while), wrote a short story (On this blog, Alexithymia) and cleaned out the mouse cage. The only problem is my stomach has been a bit off, but thats normal for me under light sleep. Nothing severe, just more frequent bathroom trips than normal. So I made some ginger and cinnamon tea. It's supposed to get down to the 40's tonight so I'm hoping A) that will ensure I am able to get good sleep periods and B) That I don't sleep -too- good and not wanna get out of my warm bed!
All in all I'm surprised at how well the day has gone thus far. Not anticipating incapacitating (Heh, alliteration) drowsiness before my 8-11 PM sleep period. But we'll see.
Oh, almost forgot: now that I'm done cleaning the cage I'm at a loss as to what to do. However it's not the usual restless boredom I usually get, I feel pretty relaxed.
1:37 PM-
Played with Bailey for a while. Feeling slight urges to nap, easy to resist. Yawning a bit.
4:40 PM-
Noticeably tired, mostly my eyes. Looking forward to the 8-11 sleep, but I'm not on the verge of passing out or anything.
6:30 PM-
Ate a big meal of homemade chicken soup and bread. The bread really filled me up, I was only able to finish half my second bowl of soup. However, it does seem to have woken me up a bit, at least for the moment. I'm curious as to how this will affect my 8-11 sleep. It may mean I fall asleep easier, but it might also make waking up harder. The success of earlier nap of 5-8 AM leaves me somewhat hopeful. I'd like to feel well enough to exercise (This was one of my reasons for attempting biphasic sleep.)
I should also note that I am -very- keen on not oversleeping and keeping a strict schedule. These seem to be the two biggest issues that fuck up people's adaptation, causing a lot of them to fail. Plus, if I can do all of this without oversleeping a single time, it'd be an awesome personal achievment!
8:00 to 11:00 PM Sleep-
Hmm. Not that fanatastic, but not horrible either. Certainly not the refreshed feeling of this morning's nap. That may be simply be the effects of a sleep debt, or, it may be the fact that I really pushed getting into bed -exactly- to 8 PM instead of going ten minutes early like last time. In tomorrow's sleep, I'll try hitting the sack ten minutes early again.
Also: one of my alarms was set wrong! My cell phone was set to 8 AM! That would've been twleve hours of sleep. Lucky me, my computer alarm going off (Just the music) was enough to wake me up, but it was a close call. I need to up the volume on that.
Furthermore, the urge to go back to sleep immediatly upon waking up is quite strong. I was sitting in my bed fixing my cell phone alarm after turning off the computer one, and thinking "If I don't get up now, there's a decent chance I'll flop over and pass out"
So, I just slid off the bed and stood. It helped, and the urge to go back to bed faded quickly afterwards.
Mm... so a bit groggy this time. But definitly more refreshed at the moment than when I went to bed, and only a six hour stretch till my morning nap as opposed to twelve like last time! Not so bad at all. Oh! What the fuck did I want to add... Um... the food! That was it.
Anyway, I had a pretty big meal about and hour and a half before bed time. I was curious as to if this would affect my sleep at all. It -may- be why tonight's nap wasn't all that fantastic (Although, I've certainly had times I've felt worse after sleeping 8+ hours straight). But there's too many variables to say definitly if that is the cause.
Think I took about 10-20 minutes to fall asleep, not great but it is still early in the test, and still much better than before I started. I think I could use with a glass of OJ though! ;) And a bike ride might be nice in an hour or so.
11:22 PM-
Mmm, have some orange juice and the last of the s'mores brownie mom made (Soooo good, but so sweet! Not a bad breakfast food when coupled with something tart like OJ) and I feel quite good, it's really amazing how even just three hours is that helpful. I guess thats how those uberman guys feel, but on their 20 minute naps! Well, once they start adapting and the naps actually kick in, anyway. Amazing stuff. I'm sure they think what I'm doing is cake, but if I just jumped into something like that I'd very likely fail... I know my limits, and unless I have something continiously going (Like in P-Days at bootcamp. You're up for something like 72 hours, but since you're constantly on the move with PO's pushing at you it's not that hard)
This biphasic presents me with better options, I think. I can move down to four hours total a night, and from there can, if I decide I want to, move into a polyphasic sleep.
Still really have my doubts about polyphasic. Mostly I hate the idea that you can only really miss one nap or you're doomed to crashing! But you know, thats what the future is for, I can always try it, and if I don't like it I don't have to stick with it. The benefits once you're fully adapated seem pretty badass, one youtube blog in particular from a girl has me pretty convinced. She actually went back to monophasic after about 8 months of poly, and she said it SUCKED. She actually missed polyphasic! (I should note she went back because she wanted to lose weight, not because of any inherent problems in sleeping polyphasic. She loved it. But then, I also think she looked better black hair than blonde :P)
Jeeze, I really start rambling on these updates. I wonder if I keep up this log it will help my writing blocks at all. Anyway...
Day One Recap-
Not to shabby, actually. The three hour sleep cycles seem to be the way to go. I'll make minor adjustments as needed, though of course the eventual end plan is to cut that down to two hours (Four total) if possible, however that won't occur anytime before 21 days on the 6 hours schedule, possibly 30 if things end up taking a while. For now it's just slow and easy down the 6 hour path.
No oversleeps! Of course, I've only had two official three-hour sleeps, but if you add in my jacked up schedule beforehand (Which is the cause of all of this anyway) it's more like four days of this. So I had a headstart before my official 'Day One' :P
P.S.- Official sleep time is now 6 hours in the last 24. Hm... that doesn't sound all that impressive unless you consider that it's 18 hours awake with very little stimulants or sleepiness! So in that sense,
I'm making anote here:
Huge Success!
It's hard to overstate my satisfaction.
Aperture Science:
We do what we must,
Because we c-
Ehm. Anyway. TECHNICALLY speaking, it's been more like 6 hours of sleep in the last... ehm... 34 or 35 hours. So that's a bit more impressive :P (If I had been able to sleep on my first official nap it'd be 9 hours in 34)
Whelp. Next day begins after midnight, which is only about 20 minutes. So I'll see you there :P
(Assuming anyone will be reading this. I suppose it's really for my own record keeping, since my blog is read about as much as Maxim magazine. Everyone just comes for the pretty pictures)
-Edit- Forgot to add, this 6 hour awake period is supposed to be caffeine free. Don't trust 6 hours as enough time for caffeine not to screw up my 5-8 AM sleep.
Well, I'd heard of biphasic sleeping before. Supposedly it was common in the time before the advent of clocks and electricity. So, considering that I've already had three days practice, albeit unintentionally, I've decided to adopt biphasic sleep officaially. Or at least attempt to.
This will be my first day. At the moment, the plan is to sleep from 20:00 to 23:00 (8 PM to 11 PM) followed by a period of six hours awake, and then three more hours of sleep (05:00 to 08:00). Since I normally wake up at 8 AM for work on Monday and Tuesday anyway, this seemed ideal.
Unfortunately my first 3 hour period was a failure (That would be Wednesday, Sep 22 from 20:00 to 23:00). I laid in bed for an hour, which was rather relaxing, but couldn't fall asleep.
5:00 to 8:00 AM Sleep-
The second sleep (Sep 23) went great. Just woke up from it, And for only three hours it feels great. I actually woke up at 7:46, but I wanted to make sure my alarms were suffecient (First night using Task Manager to both wake my computer from sleep and play music). Considering how I jumped up after they both went off it seems they will be ok. We'll see, but I think since I'll be experiencing much less sleep deprivation than somone trying an Uberman or Everyman schedule (Where you get all those crazy stories of people waking up, turning off three alarms across the room, and immediatly going back to bed without remembering a thing) two alarms whould be suffecient.
I also remember having a very detailed dream, something where I was playing a crazy video game, but writing this seems to have made me forget sadly. I can't deny that I really do want to crawl back into bed for 'just a bit longer' because it felt so great to sleep, but I know that is a mistake. Starting my 'morning routine' should help.
As a side note: I'm interested in seeing if this waking up 15 minutes shy of a full three hours becomes a trend or was just a fluke. I did go to bed about 10 minutes early to give myself time to fall asleep (Which was needed, but not too much. I still fell asleep way faster than I have the previous three nights.)
A promising first morning but we'll see if I can make it the full twelve hours till my next sleep. If I end up too exhausted, I'd rather just move that to an earlier time for now, but not unless it is absolutely neccesary. I'd like to keep this adaptation period as strict (And subsequently as short) as possible.
Waking up to 'Alexithymia' by Anberlin was pretty nice, as well.
12:41 PM-
Feeling quite well, been pretty energetic since my shower at about 9 AM. Finished up laundry I started last night (Our dryer sucks so it takes a while), wrote a short story (On this blog, Alexithymia) and cleaned out the mouse cage. The only problem is my stomach has been a bit off, but thats normal for me under light sleep. Nothing severe, just more frequent bathroom trips than normal. So I made some ginger and cinnamon tea. It's supposed to get down to the 40's tonight so I'm hoping A) that will ensure I am able to get good sleep periods and B) That I don't sleep -too- good and not wanna get out of my warm bed!
All in all I'm surprised at how well the day has gone thus far. Not anticipating incapacitating (Heh, alliteration) drowsiness before my 8-11 PM sleep period. But we'll see.
Oh, almost forgot: now that I'm done cleaning the cage I'm at a loss as to what to do. However it's not the usual restless boredom I usually get, I feel pretty relaxed.
1:37 PM-
Played with Bailey for a while. Feeling slight urges to nap, easy to resist. Yawning a bit.
4:40 PM-
Noticeably tired, mostly my eyes. Looking forward to the 8-11 sleep, but I'm not on the verge of passing out or anything.
6:30 PM-
Ate a big meal of homemade chicken soup and bread. The bread really filled me up, I was only able to finish half my second bowl of soup. However, it does seem to have woken me up a bit, at least for the moment. I'm curious as to how this will affect my 8-11 sleep. It may mean I fall asleep easier, but it might also make waking up harder. The success of earlier nap of 5-8 AM leaves me somewhat hopeful. I'd like to feel well enough to exercise (This was one of my reasons for attempting biphasic sleep.)
I should also note that I am -very- keen on not oversleeping and keeping a strict schedule. These seem to be the two biggest issues that fuck up people's adaptation, causing a lot of them to fail. Plus, if I can do all of this without oversleeping a single time, it'd be an awesome personal achievment!
8:00 to 11:00 PM Sleep-
Hmm. Not that fanatastic, but not horrible either. Certainly not the refreshed feeling of this morning's nap. That may be simply be the effects of a sleep debt, or, it may be the fact that I really pushed getting into bed -exactly- to 8 PM instead of going ten minutes early like last time. In tomorrow's sleep, I'll try hitting the sack ten minutes early again.
Also: one of my alarms was set wrong! My cell phone was set to 8 AM! That would've been twleve hours of sleep. Lucky me, my computer alarm going off (Just the music) was enough to wake me up, but it was a close call. I need to up the volume on that.
Furthermore, the urge to go back to sleep immediatly upon waking up is quite strong. I was sitting in my bed fixing my cell phone alarm after turning off the computer one, and thinking "If I don't get up now, there's a decent chance I'll flop over and pass out"
So, I just slid off the bed and stood. It helped, and the urge to go back to bed faded quickly afterwards.
Mm... so a bit groggy this time. But definitly more refreshed at the moment than when I went to bed, and only a six hour stretch till my morning nap as opposed to twelve like last time! Not so bad at all. Oh! What the fuck did I want to add... Um... the food! That was it.
Anyway, I had a pretty big meal about and hour and a half before bed time. I was curious as to if this would affect my sleep at all. It -may- be why tonight's nap wasn't all that fantastic (Although, I've certainly had times I've felt worse after sleeping 8+ hours straight). But there's too many variables to say definitly if that is the cause.
Think I took about 10-20 minutes to fall asleep, not great but it is still early in the test, and still much better than before I started. I think I could use with a glass of OJ though! ;) And a bike ride might be nice in an hour or so.
11:22 PM-
Mmm, have some orange juice and the last of the s'mores brownie mom made (Soooo good, but so sweet! Not a bad breakfast food when coupled with something tart like OJ) and I feel quite good, it's really amazing how even just three hours is that helpful. I guess thats how those uberman guys feel, but on their 20 minute naps! Well, once they start adapting and the naps actually kick in, anyway. Amazing stuff. I'm sure they think what I'm doing is cake, but if I just jumped into something like that I'd very likely fail... I know my limits, and unless I have something continiously going (Like in P-Days at bootcamp. You're up for something like 72 hours, but since you're constantly on the move with PO's pushing at you it's not that hard)
This biphasic presents me with better options, I think. I can move down to four hours total a night, and from there can, if I decide I want to, move into a polyphasic sleep.
Still really have my doubts about polyphasic. Mostly I hate the idea that you can only really miss one nap or you're doomed to crashing! But you know, thats what the future is for, I can always try it, and if I don't like it I don't have to stick with it. The benefits once you're fully adapated seem pretty badass, one youtube blog in particular from a girl has me pretty convinced. She actually went back to monophasic after about 8 months of poly, and she said it SUCKED. She actually missed polyphasic! (I should note she went back because she wanted to lose weight, not because of any inherent problems in sleeping polyphasic. She loved it. But then, I also think she looked better black hair than blonde :P)
Jeeze, I really start rambling on these updates. I wonder if I keep up this log it will help my writing blocks at all. Anyway...
Day One Recap-
Not to shabby, actually. The three hour sleep cycles seem to be the way to go. I'll make minor adjustments as needed, though of course the eventual end plan is to cut that down to two hours (Four total) if possible, however that won't occur anytime before 21 days on the 6 hours schedule, possibly 30 if things end up taking a while. For now it's just slow and easy down the 6 hour path.
No oversleeps! Of course, I've only had two official three-hour sleeps, but if you add in my jacked up schedule beforehand (Which is the cause of all of this anyway) it's more like four days of this. So I had a headstart before my official 'Day One' :P
P.S.- Official sleep time is now 6 hours in the last 24. Hm... that doesn't sound all that impressive unless you consider that it's 18 hours awake with very little stimulants or sleepiness! So in that sense,
I'm making anote here:
Huge Success!
It's hard to overstate my satisfaction.
Aperture Science:
We do what we must,
Because we c-
Ehm. Anyway. TECHNICALLY speaking, it's been more like 6 hours of sleep in the last... ehm... 34 or 35 hours. So that's a bit more impressive :P (If I had been able to sleep on my first official nap it'd be 9 hours in 34)
Whelp. Next day begins after midnight, which is only about 20 minutes. So I'll see you there :P
(Assuming anyone will be reading this. I suppose it's really for my own record keeping, since my blog is read about as much as Maxim magazine. Everyone just comes for the pretty pictures)
-Edit- Forgot to add, this 6 hour awake period is supposed to be caffeine free. Don't trust 6 hours as enough time for caffeine not to screw up my 5-8 AM sleep.
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